new phase

miss ruby and i have officially survived our first night on our own in oxford. and we're both still in one piece. not that i expected otherwise, ha. i know we'll both be just fine.


as i embark on a new phase in my life (which began many months ago but has some air of finality to it now that i'm living on my own), i'm continually reminded of how fortunate i am to have good people in my life and so very many reasons to wake up each morning that are not dependent on another person. i'm grateful my parents raised me to be an independent young woman (well, do i still get to call myself a young woman with my 25th birthday fast approaching?!), one who knows how important it is to find fulfillment on her own terms. i would be lying if i said i haven't fallen prey to my emotions "here and there" (ha). but fortunately those friends who've had to deal with me on the emotional days have been patient and understanding, and i go to bed at night knowing i'll be a better person because of surviving this challenge. i could never begin to express the gratitude i feel toward those family members and friends who've been supportive, often from a long distance and in ways they might not have even realized. having so many happy moments to reflect on has made all the difference. and i have (school)work i love, that i feel more motivated than ever to pursue... i'm very lucky. i'm working working working on finishing my thesis, my LSAT prep courses start on july 14, i'm prepping for the GRE, researching more grad programs (JD, PhD, some MA's), etc., and i'm very anxiously anticipating the start of my fall courses. i can't wait to teach in my own classroom. AND i have a new research project i'm about to flesh out/submit for ethics approval, a project that strikes close to the heart of what i value most and gets me closer to where i hope my future work will lead. overall, i'd say it's pretty good to be (almost) 25.






music profoundly impacts my mood, so i've tried to find/remember the real goodies recently. this one is a bit melancholy, but very beautiful:




the heartlanders -- "the letting go"


it had been ages since we lived in peace
the sheep were in power, wolves slept at their feet
now the dream of those days, like the faint smell of smoke
from a fire that'd gone out but it's still on your clothes


god knows we're insecure
afraid of failing, of people and the dark
but a piece of hope i heard in the silence between words


letting go
in the letting go
in the letting go


a wolf came up to me, it was dressed like a lamb
carried fangs in its mouth and light in its hands
but starving and bitter, with dust in my eyes
i could not see a truth or a lie


god knows i'm insecure
afraid of failing, of people and the dark
fighting back, my only defense
to confuse, to trust in what i know


in the letting go
in the letting go
in the letting go


i reached out my hand to its terrible claws
but the light that it had was a fist full of sand
silt instead of sight, bites instead of peace
what it offered was empty, almost emptied me


i sat in a field and it started to rain
so i kindled a fire and dreamt of those days