oprah

Here's the thing about Oprah: She's a bit full of herself. No secret there, right? But that woman is a self-made brand. She gains access via interviews to people who refuse to grant little chat sessions to anyone else but chatty Oprah (who, of course, sometimes interjects too frequently during said interviews, but people keep coming back anyway). She has the power to bring attention to issues too often ignored. She may lavish somewhat trivial trinkets on her guests, but she also does some really wonderful things for people. And when's the last time you heard/read about an Oprah scandal that didn't involve questions about her relationship with her BFF or Stedman jetting off to some locale without his longtime partner? Sure, money can shut people up. But don't we just love to see people fall from on high, the higher the precipice and the longer the fall the better? So my simple logic tells me if Oprah was up to no good, we'd probably have found out about it over her decades-long rise to ultimate stardom.


Despite the dose of narcissism (which, to be honest, I'm not convinced isn't an element of a carefully cultivated public personality, anyway), Oprah seems to me to be a real role model -- for women, for people of color -- and a sort of model of what public personalities, in an egocentric, star-obsessed world, might aspire instead to be. Sure, she plasters her face on her magazine every single month. And sure, she can't seem to hold an interview without interrupting her guest multiple times. But all of that is almost endearing when viewed through the lens of appreciation for a public figure who actually uses the power she has at her disposal in well-intentioned ways, even when those intentions steer her into (apparently) semi-egocentric waters.






Tyler and I had a conversation yesterday in which I expressed the above perspective after I impulsively purchased this month's edition of O Magazine. I normally try to resist the urge to purchase anything, magazines included, from that danger zone near the checkout counter. But the main article's title called to me:  "What's Your True Calling? As Easy-Does-It Guide to Finding (and Fulfilling) Your Life's Purpose." Huh. Well, after a weekend at a professional/academic conference at which I was given ample opportunity to question the wisdom of pursuing a PhD (wisdom I've long been questioning anyhow), I took Oprah's bait. What is my true calling, Oprah? (And will it make me as much money as yours has?!) Do tell.


Well, first of all, Oprah wasn't the one doling out the career advice, so maybe the credibility meter tilted back a bit in the other direction. Still, I was somewhat intrigued. The article, entitled "The Right Track," opened with a GPS analogy. Amused but skeptical, I proceeded through the paragraphs of advice. I was strongly encouraged to trust my inner "animal," to hunt my passion via the tracks that animal of mine left behind. The central question: at what moments can I remember being totally and utterly engrossed in a given task? What experiences have provided me with the most joy?


Hmm. Well, to be honest, that is a very difficult question to answer. Partly because I gave up many of my joyful habits in the name of higher education, and have only sometimes looked back with regret. (OK, maybe more than sometimes... but I regret sacrificing loves at the altar, I do not regret pursuing higher education.) The answer is also slow in coming, I presume, because -- while I love the grad student life -- much of my days, weeks, months are spent chipping away at a never-ending task list which is comprised of tasks I enjoy and tasks I do not enjoy. And of tasks that fall somewhere in the middle category between enjoyment and lack thereof (for example, I think I should be enjoying this but I am not, or I know I would be enjoying this if X, Y, and Z were not clouding my brain and squashing the potential for fun).


I appreciate the advice the article is proffering, but life ain't a bowl of peaches... or ice cream... or whatever food you really like that fits into a bowl of some kind. We have to plod through plenty of necessary if not-so-fun items on our to-do lists so we can proceed to the fun bits. Life is about compromise, and that includes compromises on how our time is spent given the demands put on that time from all sorts of directions.


But I think the article's on to something, even if it's a bit overly idealistic for my skeptical/cynical (what I would call realistic) tastes.


So what do I really enjoy? The author encouraged readers to not limit themselves in what they placed on the "joys" list. So I've tried not to limit myself in that regard. And, well, I do really like to learn. And I usually enjoy writing (especially after I get myself started, which is the hardest part). I like to eat. I passionately enjoy that one. I like fonts. And interior design. And COLORS! And traveling, I like that one a lot too. I like making personal connections with people. I like a whole lot of things really, which I think stems in part from my rural Indiana upbringing: if ya ain't easy to please, the cornfields aren't the place for you.


Also, I really like a good debate. When I disclosed this little joy to Tyler, he laughed at me. He laughed not to poke fun, but because -- according to him -- our debates are decidedly one-sided (and you can guess in whose favor, based on context, I assume). I had to laugh along with him, although I protested the assertion a bit as well.


But, to be honest, I could say I also like to argue. Not in the confrontational, stir-things-up-for-no-good-reason vein. But I can be a very passionate person, especially when steered toward topics about which I've done some research, in which I've taken a special interest, etc.


This leads me to hope I'd like law school. Tyler's said for quite some time that if he can't win an argument with me, no one can. Well, that's a bit of an overstatement coming from a very biased individual. But I do thoroughly enjoy the challenge of a good debate. There's just no getting around that fact. I like having the opportunity to get a little feisty/scrappy, to make my argument but with a sense of humor.


What I'd really like to do is find some way to work, intern, and/or volunteer for a lawyer or law firm during my year off from school. I need to get a good idea of what it is, exactly, that lawyers do all day... and I think shows like "Law & Order" have their limits in this regard (ha). The funny/unfortunate thing about the professions is that you seldom get an opportunity to really test drive the occupation before you commit to making it your own. But I need to get as close as possible to that. Because it would just be silly to attempt to acquire a law degree if I didn't want to use it for something, even if that something isn't actually practicing law but instead involves politics, research, teaching, some combination of the above, or some as yet unforeseen possibility.




In the meantime, I'm going to work a bit harder on noticing the "tracks" my inner animal is presumably leaving behind in a desperate attempt to get me to notice her, to be a bit more self-aware.


So far, besides a slightly longer list of joys than is offered above, I have been able to definitively determine that my inner animal loves pumpkin cheesecake ice cream.